The Bro's Code

The Bro’s Code Follow Up To: Freak Sports Injuries

Following up on my earlier post concerning ridiculous sports injuries, this one isn’t strange so much as it’s freakishly painful…

(Arizona Diamondbacks catcher) Chris Snyder was placed on the 15-day DL Tuesday with a left testicular fracture and will have surgery Wednesday. Manager Bob Melvin hopes to have him back after the minimum 15 days, the Diamondbacks’ official site reports.

I didn’t even know we had bones down there!  Do we?  Come to think of it I don’t think we do.

I just wonder what the count was when this happened.  One ball?  Two balls? 

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here!

The Bro’s Code Needs Your Help!

It has always been The Bro’s intention to do a regular weekly movie review on this site.  However, due to recent events (read: baby) I don’t get to actually go to movies.  So instead of reviewing current movies, I’ll be reviewing movies that came out the same weekend one year prior.  This is your chance to find out how good (or bad) the movies you chose not to see that weekend were.  Now I know what you’re all thinking… your kid is only 5 months old, why not review movies that are 5 months old which is when the actual movie theatre going experiences stopped?  The answer?  Because “The year-old movie review” has a way better ring to it than “the 5 month-old movie review”.

The plan: I will list the movies for the upcoming weekend that came out one year ago.  I need you all to vote on which movie I should review.  Please leave comments as to which movie you would most like me to suffer through watch.  No matter what the choice, I will always adhere to the commenters vote.

Here are the movies that came out July 4th weekend one year ago (with a synopsis courtesy of Netflix):

License to Wed(2007) PG-13

Newly engaged Ben Murphy (John Krasinski) and Sadie Jones (Mandy Moore) encounter a roadblock to their trip down the aisle when her unusual pastor, Father Frank (Robin Williams), insists they go through a tough and quirky prenup course before he’ll marry them. Since Sadie dreams of having a traditional wedding at her family church, the two agree to the marital boot camp — but find it puts their relationship through some unexpected challenges.

Transformers(2007) PG-13

Based on the popular toys that transform from machines into giant robots, this live-action movie from Pearl Harbor director Michael Bay finds the planet Cybertron inhabitants engaging in a secret war for control of Earth’s natural resources, which they desperately need for fuel. Able to disguise themselves as cars, airplanes, boats and more, the transformers prove a tough enemy in this film starring Shia LaBeouf, Josh Duhamel and Jon Voight.

Introducing the Dwights Clubland(2007) R

The romantically inexperienced Tim (Khan Chittenden) finds himself caught between a controlling mother and his new girlfriend in this emotional coming-of-age film. Jean (Brenda Blethyn), a struggling comedienne, can’t accept that her son is growing up and fears that his budding relationship with Jill will disrupt the family. The conflict comes as Jean tries to revive her comedy career, and Tim’s dad relives his glory days as a one-hit wonder.

Rescue Dawn(2006) PG-13

Renowned director Werner Herzog’s inspiring film recounts the heroic saga of Dieter Dengler, a German-American fighter pilot and highly decorated Vietnam veteran whose reconnaissance plane was shot down in 1966. Captured by enemy forces and held in a Laotian torture camp near the Ho Chi Minh Trail, Dengler (portrayed by Christian Bale) defied death by organizing one of the most daring escapes in the Vietnam conflict.

Dynamite Warrior(2006) NR

After witnessing the brutal murder of his parents, young Jone (Dan Chupong) vows to avenge their deaths and make the killers pay, a mission that lands him in the dangerous world of cattle rustling. Spurred on by his grief and a desperate need for revenge, Jone sets out to catch the culprits and return the stolen cattle to their rightful owners in this supernatural thriller set in 1920s Thailand.

Joshua(2007) R

Sibling rivalry rears its jealous head in this psychological thriller directed by George Ratliff. Eight-year-old genius Joshua Cairn (Jacob Kogan) is used to being in the limelight — by himself. When his parents (Sam Rockwell and Vera Farmiga) bring the boy’s new baby sister home from the hospital, the envious youngster’s scheming threatens to rip the family apart. The cast also includes Celia Weston and Michael McKean.

The Method El Método(2005) NR

A multinational company in Madrid is the setting for Marcelo Pineyro’s drama about a group of candidates vying for one executive position and the fierce competition that develops among them. The seven applicants quickly grow to distrust one another when they discover they’re all aiming for the same position. Put through a grueling selection process, they endure feelings of fear and paranoia while going to extreme measures to land the job.

Vitus(2007) PG

Young Vitus (played by Fabrizio Borsani and Teo Gheorghiu) is a virtual genius and a prodigy at the piano. From an early age, his parents (Julika Jenkins and Urs Jucker) push him to succeed and live up to their ambitions for him. But as Vitus grows older, he decides on a different path, one that leads to an ordinary childhood. Writer-director Fredi M. Murer’s heartfelt tale won the Swiss Film Prize for Best Film of 2007.

Please vote for the movie you’d most like The Bro to be tortured by review in the comments section.  Can’t wait to see what you guys decide.

The Bro’s Code Guide to: Inappropriate Product Slogans

Hope you all had a good weekend!  Mine was spent mostly at home with the new baby (though I guess 5 months makes her not so new anymore) which was just what the Doctor ordered. 

While at home however, I happened to be reading the label on one of our “around the house” items.  And I couldn’t believe what I read! 

It turns out this product provides “convenient family care tools for those hard-to-reach places and… sensitive areas.”

With a bit more research (thank you internet) I discovered a few more:

According to this product’s website, “Children and women prefer creamy, while most men opt for chunky.”

This one claims ”drinking it leads to improved…performance on a variety of tasks at night.”

Did you know these “can help remove wax from your carpet or rug?”  Or that they “help you get things done even faster”?

And finally, go no further if you want to “Nourish and protect your wood.”

I don’t know that I’ll ever look at any of these things the same way again.  You?

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here!

The Bro’s Code Guide To: Freak Sports Injuries

The Detroit Free Press is reporting today that Tigers backup catcher Brandon Inge will be placed on the Disabled List due to an injury he suffered while pillowing his 3 year old son.  (Fans of the 1980’s mini-series “Shogun” will get that joke, which basically means just me.)

Does this mean that the Tigers’ injury report will look something like this?

Sheffield, 15 Day DL (shoulder), Verlander, day to day (wrist), Inge, 15 Day DL (pillow)

Here are some other freak injuries (or just really lame excuses) that we have seen in recent years…

Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa suffered back spasms due to sneezing.

Giants second baseman Jeff Kent (millionaire) decided to wash his own truck.  He fell off of it and broke his wrist.

Redskins QB Gus Frerotte thought celebrating a TD by head-butting a wall was a good idea.

Jaguars punter Chris Hanson decided to do his best Paul Bunyan impersonation.

Padres Outfielder Milton Bradley tore his ACL and was out for the season thanks to his decision to argue a call at first base.

And finally, Orioles Outfielder Marty Cordova didn’t use enough sunscreen.

Any others you guys can think of?

According to one member, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is “this close” to asking Jamie Foxx for his Oscar back

Apparently Jamie Foxx is pulling an ”Ashton” and will be Executive Producer of a new MTV show called “From G’s to Gents” which will be all about helping to turn boys into men (see video below).  In a made up exclusive interview with a member of the AMPAS which awards those famous golden statues, it turns out that Foxx is quickly rising up the list of actors that are asked to return their trophy(s).

According to my source, “He’s almost there.  We had him slowly rising up ever since he did Stealth, but now with this latest announcement we just bumped him up over Mira Sorvino.” 

I naturally assumed that Cuba Gooding Jr. was still tops on the Academy’s list, but it turns out I’m wrong. 

“Oh no, no, the Academy loves Cuba.  Turns out most of the members of the Academy are huge Snow Dogs fans.  Cuba is one of our sacred cows.”

Check out the video below and let me know what you think.  Is Jamie ruining the good standing of his Oscar brethren?  Or is this bound to be television programming at it’s finest?

The Bro’s Code is here for your disgust errr I mean entertainment

thebroscode.com is very good friends with the Daily Blabber website (isn’t it cute how websites can be friends?  It’s like they’re almost human!) and so DB was kind enough to make us aware of this video THAT YOU MUST WATCH!!

I’m sorry I did that to you all.  I know it’s probably the last thing any of you wanted to see.  (If not, please go here.)  However, what amazes me is not so much that this video exists, or that the full version of it is going to end up making gobs of cash, but the fact that it has paid advertisements in front!  You think the good folks at Hershey’s, Papa Johns, Reese’s, and Universal Studios Orlando are happy to be sponsoring Mini-Me’s 6 incher?  (Tongue people!  I was talking about his tongue!)

Maybe this could be the start of some new campaigns for them…

Hershey’s: You love the gooey marshmallowy goodness of Hershey’s style S’mores, now love the gooey marshmallowy goodness of Mini-Me!

Papa John’s: Better Ingredients.  Better Pizza.  Make it a “pizza and movie” night with Papa John’s.  Just make sure you eat after the movie.  (Actually this could be a new low-carb version of their pizza.  Forget the thin crust, get the regular crust and just watch the video we include in place of the garlic dipping sauce.  Guaranteed to suppress the appetite.)

Reese’s:  Hey! You put chocolate in my peanut butter!  Hey! You put peanut butter in my chocolate!  Hey! Mini-Me is putting his… (Okay, so maybe this one doesn’t work.)

Universal Studios Orlando:  We’ve all been on the E.T. ride a thousand times right?  That’s why we’re changing it up!  With just a few “mini” modifications you no longer ride the bicycle with E.T. under the blanket, now you get to go under the blankets and ride Mini-Me!

I think I’m most ready to seek real help proud of myself for coming up with the last one.

The Bro’s Code Guide to: George Carlin

Can you really ever get enough George Carlin?  I say no.  Here are some of his classic comedy bits:

Seven Words is probably what he’ll always be best known for.

George Carlin talks about stuff.  Always one of my favorites.

Another fave growing up: Have a nice day.

A comparison between baseball and football.  Amazing how his stuff still holds up today.

This is for all us members of The Tribe.  (I suppose the rest of you can watch it also.)

And finally, another classic, the hippy dippy weather.

Honestly, I could paste links all day when it comes to Carlin.  But in an effort to not be ‘that guy’ I’ll just give you some advice.  If I were going to buy a Carlin DVD it would probably be either Carlin at Carnegie, Carlin on Campus, or Class Clown (audio).  These are three of his earlier specials, the ones that contain most of the clips we now consider Carlin classics.  If you’re really looking for the complete experience you can always purchase his All My Stuff package.

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here!

The Bro’s Code Guide to: Today’s Links

Here’s a couple of interesting things found while tooling around the web…

Once again in keeping with this week’s theme, here is the last interview given by George Carlin before his passing.  (Thanks to reader Tracy for the tip!)

Holy Crap!  Look what happened to Billy Bob!

One of my favorite writers Brian K. Vaughan is developing a show for Dreamworks.  Don’t know who Brian K. Vaughan is?  Shame on you!

Finally!  Star Wars gamers’ dreams are coming true.

Kevin Garnett’s post NBA Finals win interview: touching moment of emotion, or sponsor sell out?

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here!

The Bro’s Code Guide to: The Most Relevant Comics of Today

As I mentioned yesterday, out of respect to the passing of George Carlin I’m keeping this week related to all things comedy.  And what better way to pay tribute to Carlin than to provide you all with my Top 10 list of today’s most relevant comics.  You’ll also notice that I’m only including 9 comics here.  It’s my version of the “missing man” flying formation made famous by Jason Gedrick in Iron Eagle.  (And yes that will be the last Iron Eagle reference for awhile.)  Carlin no doubt would have been on this list had I put it together a week ago.

Here’s my list in reverse order:  (see how I build suspense?)

#9 - Eddie Izzard

Izzard is today’s version of Monty Python, and no doubt is influenced heavily by the Flying Circus.  His style (and by that I don’t mean his tendency to cross-dress) and wit have brought him to the forefront of the comedy world.  And his Dress to Kill special is one of the funniest I’ve seen in recent memory.  Relevance today?  Listen to his takes on world issues, pop culture, sexuality, and religion.

#8 - Conan O’Brien

The former SNL and Simpson’s writer is arguably the best thing on late night television today.  A complete unknown when he was hired, Conan overcame the haters (did I just say “haters”?) and is now poised to take over the Crown Jewel of late night hosting gigs, The Tonight Show.  Relevance today?  Besides his often copied style of sketch comedy humor, check out the commencement speech he gave a few years ago at Harvard.  Who else could deliver something this funny, even in written word?

#7 - Larry David

If Celeste Talbert is the Queen of Misery, Larry David is definitely her King.  He’s known (and was seriously well paid) for co-creating Seinfeld, but is now more recognized for his HBO series “Curb Your Enthusiasm”.  Playing a complete social misfit (a.k.a. himself) David yanks at the fabric of social etiquette.  It’s a hit and miss show for sure, but when it hits it provides some of the funniest moments on television.  Relevance today?  While Curb and Seinfeld are both hugely successful in the DVD sales medium, it’s David’s takes on the social norms and unwritten rules that point on the ridiculousness of some of the customs we hold so dear.

#6 - Chris Rock

Is it just me or is everything that comes out of Chris Rock’s mouth funny?  I mean it doesn’t even have to be a joke, it’s just the way he delivers his lines.  You can’t help but laugh.  He could be delivering the eulogy for Tom Hanks in Philadelphia and the crowd would be dying laughing.  (no pun intended)  His ”Bring The Pain” special is a must listen for any road trip.  Relevance Today?  His takes on race and race relations, family, and politics show up regularly in his material as well as the critically acclaimed “Everybody Hates Chris”.

#5 - Ricky Gervais

Without Gervais we wouldn’t have “The Office”.  Nuff said.  He returned with “Extras” and proved that he continues to be the master of the uncomfortable situation that makes you laugh hysterically.  Gervais also knows how to leave on top, letting his shows only run a couple of seasons at most, and then moving on to other things, prompting us all to wonder “Is he having a laugh?”  Relevance Today?  Check out his hilarious podcasts.

#4 - Ellen DeGeneres

I think many will question my choosing Ellen and/or ranking her this high.  Remember, this is a ranking of the most relevant comics today.  Ellen can arguably be compared to Oprah when it comes to successful daytime talk shows.  Ellen can also be commended for always doing a good job hosting the Emmy’s and Academy Awards, something we all know is not easy to do.  And let’s face it, her stand-up is just plain funny.  Relevance Today?  She showed no fear in using her primetime sitcoms and continues to be at the forefront when it comes to discussing the issue of gay rights. 

#3 - Tina Fey

The Queen of 30 Rock is also the Queen of self-deprecating humor.  Fey continues to show what it means to be a funny, smart, sexy woman in today’s world and does it not only with her standout NBC comedy, but in the movie world as well with Mean Girls (which she wrote) and most recently Baby Mama.  Perhaps her most brilliant move?  Snagging Alec Baldwin for the role of Jack Donaghy on 30 Rock.  Relevance Today?  Fey is the model for a new generation of female comics, and is continuing to carry the torch handed to her by the likes of Lucille Ball, Mary Tyler Moore, and Gilda Radner.

#2 - Jon Stewart

Jon Stewart may be the comic who most emulates what George Carlin was all about.  If Carlin were to have a show that was specifically there to comment on the day’s news concerning politics, current events, the media, religion, pop-culture and more, I have no doubt it would look a lot like The Daily Show.  Since he took over as host in 1999, The Daily Show has won 10 Emmy’s.  10!!  (sorry this is the closest I could come to the Billy Bob clip I wanted to show)  Relevance Today?  Hmmm, Steve Carell, Stephen Colbert, Mo Rocca, Rob Corddry, Samantha Bee, Lewis Black, need I say more?

#1 - Dave Chappelle

How could anyone other than Dave Chappelle be #1 on this list?  I’ve been lucky enough to see him perform standup on more than one occasion, including a set where he followed (I repeat FOLLOWED) an unannounced set by Rodney Dangerfield at a time where Rodney was the guy everyone finally loved.  And you know what?  He killed it!  His decision to abruptly leave The Chappelle Show in Season 3 was a huge blow to the comedy world.  We’re all waiting, if not drooling, to see what he does next.  Relevance Today?  The Chappelle Show still ranks at the best selling DVD series of all time.  There is nobody before or since who has been willing to take comedy to the level of seriousness that Chappelle consistently does. 

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here!

The Bro’s Code Guide to: Watching the Spike Guy’s Choice Awards

I decided last night to take in Spike’s first annual Guy’s award show.  Here’s a minute by minute account of what happened… 

6:57 pm – We are live from The Bro’s Code Headquarters.  There is a palpable excitement in the air as I am sure this is the year the Spike Guy’s Choice Awards closes the gap with other highly touted awards shows such as The Peoples Choice Awards, Teen Choice Awards, and in it’s heyday the ACE Awards.

7:00 pm – Hey, Harold and Kumar are doing the opening bit for the show.  I’m actually semi-impressed.  That’s a cool little cameo for those guys and a good fit for what Spike is probably trying to come across as with this show.  The bit’s not funny, but I’d say Spike is on the right track.

7:01 pm – I don’t how, but somehow Spike was able to get David Lynch to do their opening credits for the show.  It’s a trippy menagerie of (supposed) images guys want to see, including one of a woman eating a peeled banana.  Honestly, I don’t think half of this crap would make the cut of the next American Pie straight to DVD film.  (Side note: Has there ever been a movie franchise that just so obviously went from “hey we’re trying to make funny movies” to “hey we just want to whore the American Pie name for as much money as we can possibly make”?  It’s just a matter of time before they come out with “American Pie presents: Girls Gone Wild”.)

7:02 pm – Wait a minute, Harold and Kumar are hosting this thing?  I thought they were just cameo opening.  (See how much research I put into this night?)

7:03 pm – Turns out according to my trusted researcher (a.k.a. my wife) that this is the 2^nd Guy Choice awards show for Spike.  That means they know what worked, what didn’t, and we can expect quality programming right?  Right??  Please say I’m right!

7:04 pm – It’s a good thing for Harold and Kumar that they make stoner films.  As it turns out they need all the help they can get.  (And if you had “4 minutes in” in the “When does The Bro realize that this is going to be the longest 2 hours he has spent in recent memory” pool then you my friend are a winner.)

7:05 pm – Jack Black comes on stage to present the first award and immediately flubs a line.  Isn’t this thing taped?  Why don’t they just have him redo it?  On a side note (As you can tell I love side notes) I’ve recently gotten over my fear of “what would we do as a society if anything ever happened to Jack Black?”  Ladies and Gentleman I give you Tyler Labine (a.k.a. Sock from the TV show “Reaper”).  Tell me these two weren’t spliced from the same DNA.

7:06 pm – First award of the night (Biggest Ass Kicker) goes to Matt Damon for the role of Jason Bourne.  He had to beat out Iron Man to do it.  Big win for Damon.  You can see the genuine disbelief on his face.  But wait!  Ben Affleck runs up and grabs the award from his hand and bolts from the stage screaming “it should have been me!” Noooo!!  (Okay I just made that up.)  This show is already boring.  Damon makes a Celtics reference, which if nothing else just stamps this show as pre-recorded.  Nice work Bourne.

7:08 pm – Anne Hathaway is on stage to present an award.  I wonder aloud “Why?”  Researcher informs me that it’s probably because she goes topless in Brokeback.  She did?  I didn’t know the chick from “The Princess Diaries” had it in her.  But then it’s not surprising she agreed to do it considering who the majority of the audience was for that movie.  Memo to self: after wife goes to sleep move Brokeback up the Netflix queue.

7:09 pm – Hathaway announces Steve Carell as winner of the Funniest Motherfucker Award.  I can go along with that.  What I can’t go along with is the fact that the ensuing montage of Carell clips includes about 50% “Evan Almighty” clips.  Probably his least funny movie.  What, they couldn’t get the clip of him buying porn at the gas station and then having his ex walk in which leads him to another suicide attempt in “Little Miss Sunshine”?  All I can say is that my conspiracy theory red flags are going off here.  I think somehow Spike and this awards show is in league with Evan Almighty and they’re trying to boost DVD sales.  Although, I can’t prove it.  Yet.

7:12 pm – Tommy Lee jumps on stage with another member of Motley Crue.  Are we sure this whole “having every band that ever had some notoriety get together for a reunion tour” is a good idea?  In the meantime, should they ever put out a movie about the Crue (and you know they will), Tommy Lee definitely could be played by Ashton Kutcher.  And by the time they do make that movie I’d say Ashton will be at the point of his career where he’s ready to accept that offer.

7:19 pm - Samuel L. Jackson is basically our generation’s Jack Nicholson right?  Just show up and look cool.  That’s all he needs to do.

7:20 pm – Jack errr Samuel gives out the “Best Fantasy Leaguer award”.  I love fantasy sports and even I think this is stupid.  On a positive note, I just realized that they’re calling the golden stag trophy they’re handing out to everyone “Mantlers”.  Oh Spike TV.  You’ve done it again.  Bravo.

7:22 pm – Harrison Ford flashed in the audience and he is sitting at a table alone, not another soul even near him.  Why is he here?  My only thought is that he must be winning something and he couldn’t convince anyone that coming with him to the show was a good idea.  

Ford: No really, Callista, it’s going to be a lot of fun.  Harold and Kumar are hosting!

Flockhart: (long silence, then)  No.

7:24 pm - Eva Mendes wins the “Hottest Eva” award.  I think at this point I can stop updating actual awards, being that they clearly don’t give out any.

7:31 pm – Hugh Hefner is given some kind of Lifetime Achievement Award.  I can only wonder who would get this next year.  Apparently Clay Aiken was a very close second.  Anyway, they’re now showing a thoroughly unfunny tribute video which basically steals a Conan O’Brien bit that’s about 8 years old.  Spike TV = comedy gold!

7:32 pm – Now Jeremy Piven is coming up to say more about Hef.  I can’t figure out who is least excited by the other.  (Probably Hef.)

7:32 pm - Quick question: Can someone tell me who the female equivalent of Hugh Hefner is?  Is there such a thing? Is Oprah the anti-Hefner?

7:34 pm – Ari Gold is still giving his Hefner speech.  We’re barely 34 minutes in and already I’m wondering what else is on right now.

7:36 pm – I’m starting to miss Harold and Kumar.  Apparently they’re backstage.  Can’t imagine what they’re doing.

7:38 pm – Let me be the first to admit that music is my worst area of knowledge.  Having said that, I have to believe that Katy Perry (I have no idea who she is but apparently she’s famous enough to be the first musical act at this show) wouldn’t even make it to Hollywood if she were auditioning for American Idol.  Simon would blast her ass out of there in a heartbeat.  I don’t even think the Hoff would give her the okay on America’s Got Talent.  Oh but she wrote a song about kissing girls so I guess that gives her a pass.

7:45 pm – Diablo Cody is presenting the next award.  Cody is introduced as a “former exotic dancer”.  If she hadn’t been an exotic dancer and was just an Academy Award winning screenwriter, would she be here?  I think no.  But then that’s what the Spike Guy’s Choice Awards are all about baby!

7:46 pm – Megan fox wins the “Next Big Thing” award.  The crude guy in me wants to rename it the “Next Two Big Things” award in her honor. (Can’t wait for my researcher to read this joke.)

7:47 pm – Bill Burr (who in the world is Bill Burr you ask?  Answer: Not a clue.) comes up to do standup.  Within the first 15 seconds of his routine he has two legitimate “crickets” moments.  Nothing like dead silence to let the world know just how irrelevant your humor is.  (Side note: I just went to his website and still don’t have a clue who this guy is or why he was given time on stage.  Can anybody tell me who he is?)

7:48 pm – They keep showing Tommy Lee in the audience.  My guess is it’s probably because he is the only guy even smiling at the comedy genius that is Bill Burr.  Memo to Ashton: don’t do drugs (not the hard ones anyway).

7:50 pm – Some foreign guy wins an Ultimate Fighter (or something like that) Award and proceeds to speak French (my researcher now informs me it’s Spanish) for his entire acceptance speech.  No doubt Spike network execs who have yet to seen copies of this soon to be classic Awards show are currently putting guns to their head for keeping this segment in the show as ratings no doubt plummet by the second. 

7:51 pm - Oh great, Natalie Martinez just translated and it turns out the guy dedicated the award to his mother who just died two weeks ago.  Can you book tickets to hell on priceline?

7:56 pm – Thanks to Frenchy’s dead mother I’m actually gun-shy on jokes at this point.  But then this whole award show has been gun-shy on jokes.  Get it?  (Excuse me while I dust off my resume to send to Spike)

7:58 pm – As predicted, Harrison Ford is winning something and we are presented with a montage of his best work.  What?  No “Regarding Henry” scenes?  Get that man some Ritz crackers!

7:59 pm – It turns out Ford has won the “Brass Balls Award”. Am I the only one who thinks he is home and in bed within 15 minutes of leaving this stage?  

8:01 pm – Ford’s speech is re-enforcing my decision not to see Indy 4 and to mentally block all memories of it including any previews, commercials, clips, footage, or anything of the like that I may have seen.  As far as I’m concerned there’s no such movie.  You can’t convince me otherwise.

8:03 pm – Hey its Harold and Kumar!  Remember them?  The hosts?  They’ve only been off camera for an hour now.

8:04 pm – McLovin from Superbad fame is on stage.  Will this guy ever not be known as McLovin?  

Resarcher: when is his voice going to change?  

We look it up and find that he’s 19.  So apparently there is still hope.  I happen to think that Superbad is better than it’s predecessor Knocked Up, though I didn’t at first.  I recently re-watched Knocked Up and found myself turning to the Superbad side of things.  Then again, I may watch Superbad again and switch back.  I know these are the things that interest you all, so I’ll let you know what happens.

8:13 pm – Ballsiest Band Award is up for grabs between Foo Fighters and Linkin Park.  Unbelievable!  Linkin park wins! What an upset!  (Yes that’s sarcasm.)

8:15 pm – Turns out that Iron Eagle is playing on another station right now.  Chappy!

8:17 pm – Iron Man wins for “Guy Movie of the Year”.  This immediately brings about confusion as we already have been told that Jason Bourne kicks more ass than Iron Man.  Logic… centers… malfunctioning…   (Seriously this show is hurting my brain.)

8:26 pm – Cameron Diaz accepts the “10 Years of Hotness Award”.  I’d estimate that 90 percent of the clips in her montage are straight from the Charlie’s Angels films.  Actually that’s probably the smartest thing the producers of this show have done all night.

8:27 pm – I officially don’t want to do this anymore.  But I will, for my fan.

8:28 pm – Harrison ford why are you still there?

8:33 pm – Eva Mendes returns to present an award.  As it turns out that not only can she not act, but she can’t read either.

8:36 pm – They’re doing a mustache montage.  I’m not making this up.  Why was this not a one hour show?

8:37 pm – Please somebody make it stop.

8:39 pm – Disturbed (who?) comes onstage to play their latest ditty, a somber personal reflection on days gone by.  Or at least that’s what I imagine it to be.  It’s tough to make out the words, what with all the noise and all.

8:40 pm– My researcher just called it a night.  Well done Disturbed.

8:42 pm – Disturbed finally finishes.  No way in Spielberg did Harrison Ford stay through THAT.

8:53 pm – Adam Sandler is given an honorary award by the U.S. Armed Services.  That explains why he’s at this thing.  So what is Rob Schneider’s excuse?  I mean is he just trying to look like Sandler’s hang-on?

8:56 pm – All I can say with regard to Sandler’s speech: Billy Madison is a very funny movie.

8:58 pm – It’s over, or about to be anyway.  I feel like I need to say something to wrap this all up, but really all I want to do is…

8:59 pm – Credits are rolling and I see that Ken Ober (fomerly of MTV’s Remote Control) was one of the writers on this thing.  That about sums it up don’t you think?  

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here! 

George Carlin dead at 71

Hey everyone, I’m hard at work inputting my live diary of the Spike Guy’s Choice Awards, but had to post about this.

Seeing this story in the wee early hours of the morning today truly made me sad.  George Carlin was one of the first comedians I watched growing up, and his style of humor was and is a huge influence on my own.  If I do anything right with this site, hopefully you will all get to see that for yourselves. 

I remember as a kid going into the living room and popping tapes of Carlin’s comedy specials into the VCR.  I would watch and re-watch “Carlin at Carnegie” or “Carlin on Campus” (I think they were HBO specials) and still loved every word of them even though I had heard the routine a hundred times.  That is the true mark of comedic genius.  When you know the punch-line and still laugh when it comes.  Very few comics can do that today.  The ones who can are special.

As a tribute to Carlin, this week The Bro’s Code will be dedicating this week to all things Comedy and/or about Comedians.  Stay tuned for more.

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here! 

Mola Ram, hired by Entertainment Weekly as contributor for latest issue, finishes what he started in “Temple of Doom”

How could you EW?

Entertainment Weekly (Now that I think about it, I don’t know that I feel right calling them EW anymore) came out with ”The 100 Best Films of the Last 25 Years” this past week.  And while I agree with most of their choices, I can’t help but wonder how they could not include one of the Indiana Jones films on the list?  Yes I realize that Raiders of the Lost Ark doesn’t qualify being that it came out in 1981, but if they’re going to include a sequel from the Jason Bourne films and rank it at #29, then you HAVE to include The Last Crusade.  Being that they didn’t, I can only assume that the entire staff drank the blood of Kali Ma.

I love lists.  Can’t wait to put some of my own out for my reader (no that’s not a typo) to criticize.  But since I don’t have any ready to go just yet, I’ll just be the one doing the criticizing.  And so getting back to the EW list…

Since I’m already here… 

#29 The Bourne Supremacy.  Really??  This movie is nothing but a complete retread of the original (and brilliant) The Bourne Identity.  I’m not saying director Paul Greengrass didn’t do a great job with the second film, it’s a very good movie, but Doug Liman invented the quick paced fight sequences, car chases, and signature camera style that the franchise became known for.  The only difference I saw in Supremacy is that the camera just shook around more.  I guess that makes for a grittier fight scene.  (Either that or motion sickness.)

Moving on.  Some other stand out horrors…

#10 Moulin Rouge.  I’m sorry, and maybe some of the ladies out there can help me out with this, but what is the deal with Moulin Rouge?  (I ask the ladies because even if a guy were to like this movie, he would never admit it, and certainly would never admit it to the extent of defending it to me.)  How is this movie ranked #10?  Of the past 25 years??  Moulin Rouge is a horrible horrible movie whose only redeeming quality is that it can be used in experiments to induce epileptic seizures.  (I’m pretty sure Hugh Laurie played the DVD for one of his patients to do just that when the strobe light wasn’t working on House, M.D.)  I think the nicest best only way I can say it is that this movie is the cinematic equilavent of being vomited on. 

#19 Casino Royale.  Dumb.  Plain dumb.  It just boggles the mind that this movie is so high on the list.  Again, we’re talking about the best movies of the past 25 years!  Was this a good reboot of the Bond franchise?  Absolutely.  Should it be considered a “new classic”?  No!  For reference’s sake, here are some films that Casino Royale is ranked ahead of (within it’s same genre): Memento, Bourne Supremacy (Royale’s Bond is basically Jason Bourne in a tux yet somehow gets ranked ahead of him), Speed, Gladiator, Men In Black, I have to stop.  Who was even the bad guy in Casino Royale?  Could you pick him out of an imdb lineup?  The Usual Suspects is a way better film and doesn’t even make their list of 100.  Makes me want to watch Moulin Rouge vomit.

#92 Menace II Society.  Like I said, there wasn’t much I disagreed with on this list, which is why I’m jumping all the way to 92 on the list.  And in this case I don’t even disagree with putting Menace on the list.  I just don’t understand how you can have this film and not have Boyz n The Hood as well.  Boyz came first, was the better more ground-breaking film, and gave us a glimpse of future greats such as Laurence (Lawrence? Larry? make up your mind man!) Fishburne, Angela Bassett, Cuba Gooding Jr., Ice Cube, Morris Chestnut, and errrr Regina King. 

Otherwise I think they did a pretty good job.  Okay okay, we’re back on a nickname basis EW.  What do you think?  Any other glaring omissions?

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here! 

The Bro’s Code Guide to: The Bro’s Code

Hey there.  I’m The Bro.

Wow, first post.  I suppose I should have some kind of special launching theme.  I could go MTV and do a full on countdown to launch.  Remember how they did the whole “ground control to the MTV rocket ship” kind of thing?  

Not so quick side story: I actually went to the Museum of Television and Radio in Los Angeles (now called the Paley Center for Media) and was given the opportunity to watch anything I wanted to.  I was like 22 at the time, so I decided to watch the first hour ever of MTV.  I mean everyone knows the first video they played is “Video Killed the Radio Star”, but does anyone know what the second video they played is?  Or the third?  These are the things I wanted to know!  Well it turns out that the first 45 minutes or so of the MTV channel launch is just a countdown.  That’s right.  A countdown.  45 minutes of countdown!  Who the hell needs that??  And after all that, I still can’t tell you who the second video was.

Don’t worry, I won’t put you through that.  I wouldn’t put anyone through that.  (Well, anyone else that is.  I suppose there are a few people I don’t much care for that I recommended go there to watch the first hour of MTV…)

The plan for this site?  Two things:

One, to provide guys a place to see a guy’s opinion on guy things.  (And hopefully do it in an entertaining way.  And to not use the word “guy” quite so much in doing it.)

Two, to allow women the chance to eavesdrop on what their guy’s are thinking.  (And hopefully double the number of page views in doing so.  Shameless, I know.)

That’s it.  (And while yes it’s in the name of the site, no, there’s no actual “code” to follow.  I just wanted something catchy sounding.  Don’t read to deeply into it all you Ray Babbitts out there.) 

Is there something you want The Bro to discuss?  Email him here!