The Bro’s Code Year-old Movie Review: Joshua
Her: “Is this a horror movie?”
Me: “It’s thrillerish.”
Three words. Worst. Movie. Ever.
But don’t worry Joshua lovers, based on how the voting has been going for the Year-old Movie Review, I get the feeling that there will be worse movies than this that I end up having the pleasure of watching.
The basic storyline for the film is that Sam Rockwell and his wife have a new baby girl, their second child. Joshua, their first child, is a piano virtuoso and is already being primed to skip two grades in school. But this kid isn’t just smart, he’s very very awkward. I don’t mean that in an Emo Phillips kind of way, I mean it in a “Hi I’m Ryan Phillippe, Reese how could you leave me? Yes that’s me standing outside your window all hours of the day and night. I want you back Reese. If I can’t have you no one can. You hear me? NO ONE” kind of way.
Unhappy with all of the attention being heaped on his baby sister, Joshua starts doing things to upset his otherwise happy family. (Which really begs the question, if this kid is so smart, why doesn’t he get it that babies need lots of attention? Huh?) The typical story unfolds, mom goes crazy, grandma has ”an accident” and Dad is left trying to protect the baby and himself from the mastermind genius that is 9 year old Joshua. I won’t reveal the “shocking” ending (though I don’t know who I’m protecting from spoilers as none of you will see this film, ever) but let’s just say that in the battle of wits, Sam Rockwell does not come out on top.
Here are some problems (Problems? Shocker I know…) I had with this film:
- For one, what is Sam Rockwell doing in this film? Is he really that desperate for work? Is there no casting director that can see the genius he displayed in Galaxy Quest? And why is Mike McKean in this movie at all? Was he doing someone a favor? He’s completely wasted in this film, appearing for maybe 5 minutes, and playing the proto-typical hardass boss. Not even in a remotely funny way.
- One of the things that “triggers” Joshua is when he watches some old video from when he was a baby. The video is really just scenes of the Mother being very upset because Joshua is always crying. These are not happy scenes, and one is of the mom literally going mental to herself in a mirror. My question is, who would keep this video? Nobody. That’s who.
- Here’s a random scene. “Hi, I’m Sam Rockwell. My son is incredibly awkward and troubled, my wife is crazy and two scenes away from being instituionalized. I think I’ll go ahead and search ‘sexy horny naked women explicit sex’ on google.”
- Yes that really happened in this film. The true disappointment is that we don’t get to see what sites pop up.
- In the end, Rockwell is outwitted by a nine year old, and falls for some tricks that are so blatantly obvious, especially when you consider the fact that Rockwell was already onto Joshua. Fake bruises on the back? What else could they be there for? I mean he just can’t be that dumb.
My rating for this film (and all films I review) will be based on how long it took for me to look at the DVD player to see how long I had been watching. In this case it was 24 minutes. The film being 106 minutes running total, means it scores a 24 out of 106.
Tune in for my next review, which at this point looks like it will be “Captivity”. (I hate you people.)
